Birdy the bride

Two days of shooting; 30 wedding dresses, 57 evening dresses, five formal up dos, 1000 bobby pins, a can of hairspray, the most horrendous collection of plastic, kitten-heeled shoes whose tackiness could only be rivalled by the mixed bag of diamante clip on earrings and bracelets. Oh yes my dears this was not a walk in the park -this was real work.

A one-hour train and a five-hour bus ride

saw us arrive in smoggy, humid ChenXhou. China is exactly how I remember it from four years ago. Chaotic traffic, greasy food and awkward but amusing language barriers.

Luckily I was working with some of the most chilled out Chinese I’ve ever met. The clients were sweeties who were intent on getting fellow Aussie model Katrina and myself to try their suspicious looking Chinese ‘delicacies’.

Highlights from the shoot include the 40-year-old Mr Chio singing along to Lady Gaga’s poker face, getting high on numerous Coke Zero’s, and stealing the photographers camera.

I like to think of catalogue jobs, as an exercise is patience. Long hours, language barriers and logistical issues equal somewhat tense moments. For example the client decided, as I was so chirpy she would call me ‘little bird’. It was cute for about 20 minutes then it was just annoying. After 12 hours of shooting and her yelling, “fly pretty little bird” I could feel my patience slipping, no flying out the window. I couldn’t suppress the references to Nora from A Dolls House and all that feminist studies slipping into my mind. But more frustrating I had no idea what she wanted me to do! Jump? Flap my arms? I’m a person I can’t fly! I’d been zipped, squeezed and laced in and out of 27 corsets and the chirpy little bird had flown away long ago.

What always amazes/fascinates/horrifies me about bridal shoots is that these dresses could one day actually be worn down the isle. Yes even the baby pink princess dress complete with sequined, butterfly detailing and a five-meter train could be someone’s dream dress. I guess everyone has different tastes but I hope when my day comes that I will remember these three things I’ve learnt:

1. I can't take myself seriously when I'm wearing ten layers of lace and tulle,

2. Petty coats went out of fashion 100 years ago for a reason and

3. Corsets are a form of legal torture that should only be worn in the bedroom where they are sure to be quickly removed.

I want future husband to look down the isle and see a goddess gliding towards him not a meringue.